


Sparkle In Your Eye

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bones just needs love, Love, M/M, Sad, Sad Bones, Sad Leonard, Worried Leonard McCoy, just sadness, no happiness, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bones and Jim have been in a relationship for a year now, and Bones is the happiest man alive to know that someone could ever love the drunken mess that is him. But he realizes, over time, that Jim may not be as happy as him, and it starts with one simple look that made Bones tip.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Really, this is just a sad fic to take all my own sadness away from me so that I can be as happy as a God damned puppy seeing a rainbow.

  When Jim said yes to a date with him, Bones felt like he held the world in his hands and nothing could go wrong. Jim's eyes sparkled with a type of happiness Bones had never seen in him, and that made Bones want to hug and kiss him until the world ended. The last time Bones has felt this happy, was when Joanna was born and he held her in his arms for the very first time.

 When Jim had leaned over the bar table and kissed him, Bones lost all feeling in his body. He didn't know what to do, but the moment his lips acted on their own accords, the world got that much brighter. The sun grew bigger, the stars looked better, and all because of a kiss he was ashamed he'd been dreaming off for ages. A kiss that made his whole world worth living. All from a single man. When Jim pulled away, his eyes sparkled. It was a different sparkle from when they went on their first date, but the sparkle was still  _there_.

For their one month anniversary, Jim took Bones to a secret spot on the Enterprise where they had a picnic and watched the stars. Jim was bouncing with excitement and Bones could see the remnants of a sparkle in his eyes. It was there, and Bones couldn't believe Jim has dealt with him for a month, know. The sparkle made Bones feel special and loved and protected and that was all he needed to fall in love.

When Bones said I Love You, the small sparkle in Jim's eyes made all the fear worthwhile. The way the words sounded on Jim's tongue made Bones feel weak in the knees and he almost fell over. Never, in his wildest dreams, did he think Jim would say it back-- _could_ say it back. His feet lifted off the ground and nothing in the world could bring him down again. He never wanted it to end. The love, he means.

When they first had sex, Bones was in utter disbelief the whole time. The fact that Jim was willing to do this, with that God damned sparkle, and the love filled words that made Bones feel complete. It was how careful Jim was, how he cared for Bones, and how, after, all he could say was I Love You, almost like he had to make Bones believe it. And he did, Bones really did.

On their one year anniversary, Bones took Jim back to the picnic under the stars, hoping it would bring back nostalgia. It worked, and the sparkle was barely in Jim's eyes anymore, but it was  _there_ and Bones adored the fact that it was there for him, still there, after all this time. After a year of Love, Bones really thought he was ready for the next step in their life.

And Bones, one day on the Bridge, silently watched an exchange between Spock and Jim. Bones watched how Jim touched Spock's arm like it was nothing, and he watched that sparkle in his eye get bigger than he's ever seen it.

So, as Bones played with the ring in his hand that night, alone in bed, he looked back at all their moments, all the sparkles, and he started to realize something he never wanted to be true.

He realized that, after Bones had asked him out, a  _day_ after, Jim spent a day with Spock, talking closely and quietly, quickly getting off topic once Bones neared them. At the time, Bones was happy believing that Jim was planning their date, and maybe he was, but maybe he was talking about how he didn't want to go.

When they had their first kiss, Bones realized that maybe he enjoyed it more than Jim did. He noticed how the sparkle was dimmer after their kiss, but he didn't care, it was still there, for him. But they day after their kiss, Bones saw Jim whispering to Spock with the brightest sparkle he's ever seen. He dismissed it at the time.

On their one month anniversary, he saw the sparkle fading. He ignored it, still loving the fact that there  _was_ a sparkle. But he saw them, Spock and Jim, two days later, walking shoulder to shoulder towards the secret spot, Jim bubbling with excitement as the large and bright as the sun sparkle shimmered in his eyes with every look at Spock.

When they said I Love You, Bones noticed the sparkle dying, but he didn't think about it because  _Jim said it back_. The words sounded weird on Jim's tongue, and Bones heard it, but he dismissed it as the words being new to him. And, at night when he was left alone, he snuck out to find Jim, to bring him back. And he saw them together, Spock and Jim, and Spock was smiling as he had a  _sparkle_ in his eye the size of Jim's.

And the sex, while it was wonderful, Bones realized that the sparkle, no matter how big or bright, was not a love sparkle, it was a sex sparkle. And the reoccurring saying of I Love You, that was to convince himself that he loved Bones. Bones knew that much, he's heard it enough from his ex. And then Jim and Spock spent a night on the bridge and Bones knew that there was a sparkle he wasn't allowed anymore.

Their one year anniversary was special for Jim. And Bones realized, late in bed, that the nostalgia he wanted to bring back was the wrong one. The only reason there was a sparkle in his eye was because Jim was thinking of his night with Spock. He was thinking of what the did, how they had it. The love Bones knew wasn't meant for him anymore. The sparkle wasn't for him anymore.

So, the next step? The next step wasn't a step anymore. It was a failed plan because nobody loves him like he wants to be loved. The fact that he even thought Jim could was ridiculous. And now, at one in the morning, Jim walked into their shared room, the sparkle in his eyes disappearing as he see's Bones awake in bed with a tiny box in his hands.

"Bones?" Jim asked, slightly startled. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"You know something?" Bones asked, ignoring Jim's earlier words. "You get this  _sparkle_ in your eye when you love something."

Jim was silent, and that was all Bones needed for his filter to break along with his heart shattering to tiny little pieces.

"Your eyes sparkled to bright when I asked you out, and it was the happiest I've ever been. But then I saw you on the bridge with Spock and...That sparkle was bigger. And it just kept getting smaller for me and bigger for him. I ignored it because you said you loved me and I didn't want that to end, but you've said it to him, too, haven't you? They didn't feel right when they were said to me, were they?"

Jim choked on his hidden tears as he watched his friend break and burn right in front of him.

"I was willing to ignore it, kid, I really was. But, Goddammit, I just can't. I was ready for the next big plunge for us. I was ready for that sparkle I knew wasn't coming. I wanted it so badly, Jim. I wanted  _you_."

Jim was shaking his head, the tears now falling down his face slowly as he locked eyes onto the small box in Bones' hands. He didn't want this.

"It was all my fault, wasn't it?" Bones asked sourly, not even caring for the tears on his face or the crack in his voice.

Jim wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he couldn't have done a thing, but nothing came out of his mouth and he made the situation worse.

"It's been too long since the sparkles been directed at me. It's been too long since you've said the words I Love You and meant it."

Jim couldn't take it and dove for Bones, but Bones was quick on his feet and jumped out of the bed, holding the small box by his head as Jim fell to where he once was.

"Bones," he sobbed out, his whole body shaking as he wanted to scream and yell and fall back in love with the man who's been with him through everything.

"I couldn't make you fall in love with me," Bones said sadly, slowly, eating his own tears as he shook his head. "I thought I could do it, I really did, but...I know you, Jim, and this? This isn't love."

Jim was crying into the pillow, shaking his head and willing Bones to understand that he was sorry. And that was what was supposed to happen once he sat up, all sad and puppy like.

"Bones..."

"No," Bones interrupted, swallowing hard. "You've loved Spock this whole time, and I should've seen it coming. I really should've. Isn't time we stop pretending that I make you happy?"

Jim choked on his words as he reached a hand out to Bones, begging him silently to come to bed and fall in love again. But Bones was shaking his head, allowing the tears to fall freely as he lowered his hand with the box to his hip, looking ready to throw it.

"I love you, Jim," he said honestly. "And I hope you can be happy with Spock."

With that said, Bones tossed the box onto Jim's lap, nodding his head as he turned on his heels sharply and left their shared room. He left Jim sobbing and broken on their-- _his_ \--bed, clutching and screaming silently at the beautiful engagement ring in the box.

He ran to his medical office, wanting to get away from everything and everyone. He knew Spock and Jim would be happy together. And he always knew Jim would leave him or fall out of love with him. They all did, after a while. But he was so in love he was willing to kill himself every day with lies just so that he could pretend to be happy.

And it worked. But he knew and antidote for feelings and his name was Jack Daniels. 

"Jim," he said to the bottle, almost like a goodbye. "I hope Spock loves you as much as I do."


End file.
